I would like to announce today, April 1, that this will be my last column and I will be throwing my hat in the ring as a Democratic candidate for the Presidency of the United States of America. Why not? What are there now, 16 entered in the race? Yes, it’s a very diverse group with women, people of color, a gay man, veterans, a mayor, governors, congresspeople, businessmen, but no dogs. Until now, that is. So add one French bulldog with a colorful personality (if I say so myself), a lot of fans and a monthly blog to the mix.
I’m still working on my slogan, so any suggestions would be helpful. I was thinking “I’m Bullish on America” maybe “Man’s Best Friend for a Reason” or “I’ll Work Like a Dog for You!” I may also need some money to run some ads, so anything you can spare would also be much appreciated. Maybe I should start a PAC, too.
My platform will consist of more treats, more naps and more belly rubs. I know nothing about taxes, infrastructure, health care or foreign policy, so I’m the perfect candidate because I won’t bore you with all that stuff!
OK, that was a lame attempt at an April Fool’s Day joke, but what do you want from me? I’m a dog. I get yuks where I can get ‘em. It’s not so far-fetched, either. In 2008, Molly the Dog, a dachshund from Oklahoma, was named as a candidate in the U.S. presidential election, and in August 2014, seven-year-old Duke The Dog won an election and became the new mayor of Cormorant, Minnesota. Duke actually won! Sadly, Duke passed away on February 22nd, 2019, so he didn’t fulfill his presidential ambitions. But he was mayor for almost five years! That’s 35 years in human years!
What I find hilarious is that April 1 is April Fool’s Day, but the last day of the year, the 30th is National Honesty Day! And the day after April Fool’s Day is Reconciliation Day, no doubt so some people can make up for their silly pranks. And the 4th is Tell a Lie Day. Shouldn’t that be on the 1st? So, you lie on the 1st and 4th? And you have to wait until the 15th for That Sucks Day for the lousy pranks. Humans are funny creatures. No wonder April is National Humor Month. You have to have a sense of humor to put up with all the shenanigans.
But April is also for more serious stuff, like Easter (21st this year), Income Tax Due Day (15th), Earth Day (22nd), and yes, Arbor Day (26th), an actual legal holiday in which we celebrate and plant trees. Don’t know a lot of folks who get off work on Arbor Day, however. Which is a shame, really.
And, as usual, there are a bunch of oddities. I understand days to celebrate certain foods, such as National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day on the 2nd, Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day on the 12th, and National Eggs Benedict Day on the 16th, and groups of people or organizations, School Librarian Day (4th), for example. But what about days like World Rat Day on the 4th, Plan Your Epitaph Day on the 6th, Eight Track Tape Day on the 11th, Rubber Eraser Day on the 15th and Blah, Blah, Blah Day on the 17th. Why, oh why? Let’s throw a Rat Day party? Really?
If you really want to party, how about New Beer’s Eve on the 6th, followed by National Beer Day on the 7th. Can I hear a Post-Beer Day on the 8th?
Another oddity, at least to me: the 4th is School Librarian Day, but the 16th is National Librarian Day. So librarians get two days in one month? Not that they don’t deserve it, but still.
And I’ll leave you with another one that left me chuckling. We know the 30th is National Honesty Day, but did you know it’s also Hairstyle Appreciation Day? Now that could be a tricky situation for some people. Can you be honest and still appreciate some of the off-the-wall hairstyles we’re seeing these days? Well, to each his own. It’s something I don’t need to worry about — can’t do much with my hair!